now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
