do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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