i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
