watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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