I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize