Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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