I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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