It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
