i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
