Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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