Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
