Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't make out with my wife yet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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