i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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