If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
