Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
