I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
