we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
