I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
