and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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