I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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