My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
