Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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