So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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