he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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