Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
