I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
