if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
