On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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