They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
