Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
