honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
