If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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