I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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