Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he fucked my hip out of place.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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