I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
