i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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