this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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