Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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