Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize