I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
