Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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