what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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