i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
