soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
