Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
