thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
