you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
