just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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