Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
