Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
