He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
