took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
