Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
