Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
