booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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