Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
