i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
