just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
