I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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