he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
