I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
