I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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