hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
