i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
