I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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