I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
