she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
