wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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