PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
