I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize