i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
