She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize